The truth is, majority of our western population did not receive proper sexual education, resulting in a list of conflicts: arousal & desire, sexuality, pleasure, self expression, relationships, and unfortunately we didn't learn the secret to properly arousing a woman.
Sex and Arousal are Taboo
Unfortunately our western culture carries both a history of mis-education and paralyzing religious backgrounds of unfavorable perspectives on desire and intercourse. As a result, western cultures have shunned all things sexual - from equating arousal and desire to being evil, to Christianity holding the stance that the sensual body is inherently bad. Our current culture has accordingly persisted with carrying this baggage from thousands of years of held-in sexuality, gender inequality and fear.
Sexual Education and our School Systems
Majority of us learn about sex through our friends or watching online porn. As we grow up, the people whom we turn to for guidance on the subject of sex, arousal and desire, are 1) doctors that were not educated in the psychology of pleasure, and most likely only experienced short, surface level lectures of the subject, and 2) a culture who is not trained in intimate connection.
Female Anatomy, Physiology, Arousal and Desire
Even though we understand the basics of how a baby is made, are we optimally trying to conceive and prevent pregnancy? I don’t believe we are. What if we were to take into consideration sex for pleasure? Majority of us aren’t always having sex to try and conceive - we are having sex for pure enjoyment.
In order to receive proper sexual education, we need to explore the following:
- Vulva Diversity
- Clitoris and cervix
- Orgasm and self pleasure
- Self acceptance and self exploration
There is a major disconnect in the way vulva diversity is accepted and portrayed in society. Growing up we receive one visual of a vulva... that being, our own. The next encounter of visually seeing another vulva is most commonly in the setting of online porn. What is the difference? EVERYTHING. For example, some women have big and wavy inner lips, some have non-visible inner lips. Alternatively, some have a lot of pubic hair, some trimmed and short, some none at all. All types are luscious, beautiful and unique to each person!
After vaginal childbirth we might also see a large alteration in the way that our vulva landscape has been physically moved ~ there may be tears and stretches, and changes in feeling and pleasure.
Pleasure is a gift of the senses ~ from a foot massage, to laying in the sun, to stimulating the clitoris. When it comes to female-bodied clitoral pleasure, there is much more than meets the eye. Visually, we see the fatty layers of our inner and outer lips, which are protecting the internal network of our vestibular bulbs and clitoral body. The clitoris is made up of erectile tissue, which is interestingly identical to male-bodies! The only differences are the visual landscapes and arousal networks.
If you pass your fingers in and through the inner lips, you will enter the vaginal canal, or vaginal opening. If you continue reaching up, you will feel the bottom of the uterus, named the cervix. The cervix is the magical entrance into the internal world of your feminine center. Meanwhile, feel around a bit while you're up there. What does the firmness remind you of? It might feel like the tip of your tongue, or even like pursed lips. This texture will change throughout the entirety of your cycle and is a direct indicator of your fertility!
The Cervical Os
You will notice that your cervix has a little dimple in the center. This dimple is named the cervical os (see image below), or opening to the uterus. If you've given birth, yours will feel more like a 'slit.' The cervix is surely an erogenous zone and point of pleasure, so be sure to feel around internally as you become aroused!
Orgasm and Self Pleasure
I invite you to set aside some time and space for pleasure and arousal, without the goal of orgasm. First, grab a hand-held mirror and take a look at your vulva, before and after arousal. You can find a perfect hand held mirror here. Then, notice what your clitoral hood looks like. Specifically, do you see the clitoral shaft, or do you need to pull up on the hood to see it? Begin stroking all around your vulva, over each of your lips, up and around your clitoral glans and back down, passing over your perineum. Most importantly, move in a way that feels good to you.
As arousal takes place, what do you notice happening to the clitoris, inner and outer lips? For instance, you may notice that the outer lips will become fuller and the clitoral glans more erect and firm. I suggest to watch closely and feel around, does anything become bigger, brighter, darker? Does the clitoris move placement? Recognize how you may want more or less touch in certain areas during the process of arousal. To this end, there is an entire arousal network that becomes involved as the clitoral glans becomes stimulated.
Self Acceptance and Self Exploration
Overall, the importance of reflecting with our own vulva in a mirror, as well as gazing at our partner's, allows for an entirely refreshing perspective on our self. A few days ago I asked you all through Instagram "Have you ever gazed at your own or somebody else's yoni?" and "If yes, how did it feel?"
75% of you said yes, and 25% said no. Here are some of your responses:
Curious. Sometimes embarrassed or unsure.
Like damn what a beautiful flower silky petals and all.
Powerful and supported. Definitely want to do it more often.
Strange, but I'm trying to make myself familiar with her.
Loved it. It was very sexual to be so exposed. I wanted more people to look.
Amazing. Being able to look at something so beautiful that a lot of people do not get to see.
Amazing and curious! I want to learn more about this sacred part of my body.
I love looking at mine in the mirror. I'm very proud of mine, makes me feel sexy.
Sad. Hate my yoni. The chubbiness of it & it's pigmentation.
I look at my yoni on a daily basis and everyday I love her a bit more.